“China is getting ready for the Olympics. The official motto for the Olympics is ‘One World, One Dream.’ Restrictions Apply. Tibet Not Included.” –Jay Leno

“Now you think I’m exaggerating, but they had a practice today in Beijing for the Olympics and a javelin thrower threw the javelin up into the air and it stuck.” –David Letterman

“The government of China announced that it will ban restaurants from serving dog meat during the Olympics. Which gives new meaning to the phrase, ‘Hello Kitty.’” –Conan O’Brien

“The United States Olympic bicycle team got off the plane yesterday wearing air filter masks on their faces. They’re the same masks that kids have to wear when they play with Chinese-made toys.” –David Letterman

“An Ethiopian runner has dropped out of the Olympics because he thinks the pollution could damage his health. He said the air has made him so sick, he can barely not eat.” –Conan O’Brien

“President Bush will be in China for the Olympics. He’s gonna be there for the opening ceremonies, and also, while he’s there, he will be searching for ‘Lo Mein of Mass Destruction.’” –David Letterman

“Yesterday, President Bush gave the U.S. Olympic team a rousing send-off to the Olympics. Again, I don’t think President Bush is that up on geography. Like he told the athletes to get there a couple of days early to acclimate themselves to the fact that China is upside-down” –Jay Leno

“China is upset because somebody leaked a video of the rehearsal for the Olympics Opening Ceremony on the Internet. I don’t want to give away too much, but it ends with the lighting of a torch.” –Conan O’Brien

“The Olympics start the Friday after next — pollution permitting. For some reason, they’re having them in Beijing, which means the Chinese government right now is very hard at work trying to cover up all the horrible things about their country . It’s like when your mom comes to visit your dorm room.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“China has announced that during the Olympics, protesters will be allowed to assemble in designated protest areas. Yeah. Or, as they’re commonly called in China, jails.” –Conan O’Brien

For more political jokes please visit
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